The New Year is upon us, and once again we find ourselves thinking about how we can grow in the coming year. Many of us review our goals for the year just past and make sure we set new ones for the coming year. Some even have goals set for the next 25 years and adjust them accordingly at this time.

I would like to focus on how we review the year we have just finished and our decisions about how to respond to whatever it was we created that did not turn out exactly as we hoped it would. Dr. Bernie Siegel has a unique way of looking at the difference between forgiving and forgetting, and I would like to share the core of his idea with you here.

Most of us would just as soon forget many of the things that “happened to us” in 2008. But let’s take a look at what forgetting really is. Forgetting has to do with self-interest or personal gain. We want to be free of disturbing memories, so we simply decide to put these troubling things out of our minds.

But, forgetting is a misguided method for getting peace of mind. By forgetting the past, we can interact in the present with the people, places and events from our past that we believe created the problem. The trouble is, the things you try to forget don’t usually go away. They may be buried somewhere in your subconscious, but they live on beneath the surface and manifest themselves in your feelings and activities. They continue to be a part of your life whether you are aware of them or not.

The truth is, you are better off reviewing these troubling people, places and events, feeling the effects of the memories and resolving the problems in a way that leads to true healing and growth. This can only happen when you forgive.

Forgiving is a method for giving love. It is a way of saying, “I am going to let go of the shortcomings I believe you had in your thoughts, words and actions, I choose not to be bitter and I am going to go on loving you anyway.” Forgiveness allows us to go on loving and begin healing. It is only once we have healed that we can then continue growing as well.

All of the great Masters of history have agreed that we are here to serve, not to be served. We are here to give something, not to get something.

So look back over the people, places and things in your life this past year. Remember those things you’ve tried to forget. Reconnect with some wrong that was done to you. Remember, think, feel, understand, and then forgive.

If the act of forgiving is hard, forgive yourself first! In fact, if you don’t forgive yourself first, (i.e., if you don’t give yourself love first), you cannot give it to anyone else!

Most people spend this time of the year thinking about what they would like to get. But, all of the great masters know the truth about how life works, and that truth is that it is in for-giving that we receive.